Opening My Eyes

I cannot even express just how excited I was to begin researching the intricacies of dreams again. What I did not actually understand was just how hard it was going to be, without the urgency of immediate deadlines. After all, it is an independent research class- one I chose to partake in. Yet, it was an effort to remind myself of that simple fact. Both motivation and inspiration was nowhere to be found. And the worst of it was that the fault was solely

my own.

Finally though, I became aware of this. Recently, I had conversation with the most motivated person I know: my brother. He and I were in the process of discussing his progress with his own research in college and I was completely taken aback. The cause of my surprise lay in the fact that he was not content with his progress. I was concerned because the very reason he became involved with his research was simply gone. I detected not even a tenth of the excitement and passion in his voice. He was simply tired and that just didn't seem right. And so, I asked him, I asked him why he is still going to the lab day after day, even on weekends, if it wasn't something he truly loved. His response baffled me simply because it sounded like someone else was talking, not him. He said that he needed to go in because otherwise his peers would surpass his achievements and he would lose his position as the one to lead the research.

Trust me when I say that I completely understand the dire need to prove yourself to others but there's something so very wrong about completely losing your interest because of something like competition. Of course, this may seem contradictory because this rant concerns motivation and my brother definitely seemed to have that since he actually got the job done. Does that not raise a valid point about if a "correct" form of motivation exists? It may seem like if the work is done, then the motivation was there, following the idea of "the ends justifies the means." However, if the work is being done in a manner that it's just that, work, stripped bare of the excitement or passion that should exist, certain values also start fading. This can clearly be exemplified by my brother's research. If he was to continue going to the lab because he needs to surpass his peers, what will he gain from the experience? His memories of the research -he so dearly loved- will be tainted with the resentment of competition. When he reflects back on this internship, it will resemble a simple chore he had to finish. Even though, he will receive the reward of being the best in the lab, in the long run, when that wouldn't matter, he will have gained nothing. Thankfully, he understood my fragmented line of thinking when I explained.

Now, it may seem very much at distance to my own research. Nowhere did I even begin to mention dreams and how they function- what is at the core of my research. Yet, before beginning to explore the technicalities of dreams, it's essential to discuss that spark of curiosity that engendered this research; it's essential to realize that I can't think of this research as a homework assignment, or a bridge to something greater. In my mind, this research must be that something greater because otherwise, that correct motivation won't be there. If I do believe that this research is simply a bridge, I would unknowingly take importance away from the research. Sure, others will see that my research is complete and done, but in the end, I am the one who has to know the reasons behind my actions; in the end, it has to be me who reflects back on this as an experience rather than an assignment. I hope to develop this idea further, in order to strengthen my research.

Rene Magritte is a surrealist painter who understood the importance of motivation and the passion to accomplish something beyond necessity. His artwork, The False Mirror, can very clearly be used to depict the importance of motivation. The painting shows an eerie eye through which you can view the landscape of a simple sky. The painting seems to discuss the functionalities of the eye and a mirror. A mirror reflects exactly what is in front, it can deceive- as the title alludes. However, the eye does more than the mechanical function of a mirror, it implies a certain kind of subjectivity. Magritte painted the sky in the pupil and it's as if there's more of a depth to the painting due to the eye; it acts as a window rather than a simple reflection as produced by a mirror.

When contemplating this research and the selective motivation it required from me, this painting came to the forefront of my mind. Whereas, I can choose to view this research through a false mirror, it would be more valuable -to myself- to view it with an eye instead; the eye would yield a better perspective and perhaps a clearer window that connects to what is of genuine importance.