Onwards (Goal Post)

For this goal post, I decided to look at my previous one and see if and how I have improved in my thinking and analysis. I feel as though -for me at least- there used to be a sense of apprehension and even resentment towards goal posts. It felt too structured and acted as a chore rather than something that builds me up. I think I may have figured out the problem.

It was my own thinking that made me reflect poorly on the assignment. I had seen and "attacked" the goal posts individually, isolated from the rest of my work. Obviously, that hampered my writing and even my progress. Recently, I have come to the realization that goal posts cannot be analyzed separately. It cannot simply be a list of things I plan to do. Furthermore, it must be an analysis of if I have accomplished the tasks I desired to in my previous goal post and how that connects to this one. For me, that is what clarifies this assignment into something beyond just another chore I have to complete. That's what brings purpose to goal posts.

In my last goal post, I had written about my SDA and how I wanted to paint something, anything. That's not what happened. After several conversations with my coordinator, I changed my mind. Instead, my SDA ended up being a time lapse of my drawings to explain the parts of the brain associated in dreaming. Initially, I had wanted to inject creativity through my painting, but had realized there are other options left to explore.

I dread the sound of my voice on anything I create- I absolutely abhor it. It's unreasonable but it's something that remains to be uncomfortable for me. As such, it was very difficult to jump over the fear of that and add a voice- my voice- to my work. It seems like a very trivial thing but I think it was necessary and even lacking in my previous Self Designed Assignments. Even though I hated every minute of recording my own voice, I know that often, I'm going to have to explain my research to others and adding my voice personalizes that experience.

I love painting and art, but I must admit that I'm happy and even proud that I did something different. It helped me venture out of my safe place and furthermore, helped me grow. I would never have written something like this before my most recent SDA, but I think I want to create a series of podcasts/ interviews for my next SDA. My time lapse video has definitely brought that sense of comfort I needed to spark this SDA. I've recently spoken with some people regarding their experiences with dream recall and I think it would be extremely informative to just discuss some of the nuances. Similarly, I think I could improve in my narrative skills and what better way than to just jump right in?

This is going to sound strange but I feel more comfortable with my research. It has been a little more than a month since my last goal post, but I do think a lot has changed for the better. I don't feel the need to force creativity into my paper, nor do I feel the mounting pressures of figuring everything out at the same time. Approaching the various facets of this research in a series of planned steps has made me more relaxed and in turn, eager to learn and question.

In my previous post, I had written that I felt the loss of something. I tried very hard to explain what that might have been but it remained inaccessible for me, then. As I reflect on my research now as opposed to a month ago, I think I have found it. I think I have found it in the form of curiosity and eagerness to learn more and more. Don't misconstrue. I was tired and sleep-deprived a month ago and I am still very much the same. But I'm also ready and optimistic for what is to come.