People

It’s all about people. Somewhere along the road, I had forgotten that. I had forgotten that research does not matter if not applied to the people it helps. You see, things cannot be looked at objectively because then an extent of importance just vanishes. Doubts and uncertainties have a way of looming over you without knowledge. And that’s what happened to me. I lost purpose in my writing because I lost that connection from it. For some reason, doubt had seeped in that what I am doing is not that important. It started to seem like my research is pointless or even frivolous. But I cannot stress enough that I still believe in the topic I’m researching. To me, it’s important no matter what others might or might not think about it.

It’s all about the people. I’m ashamed to say that, somehow, the sentiment became completely lost to me. I push empathy onto people -even through my research- but without purpose, like everything else, it remains to be just another word. It’s as if I myself had forgotten the meaning of empathy, that I am researching to advance, not just for the sake of taking a class. This reminder that there is a reason for the research became clear after my interview with Ben Goes.

Something that very deeply resonated within me during the meeting was the fact that Ben randomly stated, “It's all about people, Silma!” to which, I just stared at him without a response, like an idiot. At the juncture, I didn’t know the cause of the outburst and truthfully, I still don’t know what drove him to say it. But when I reflect back on the meeting, it causes me to think about my research with a different perspective.

And that’s another thing I realized from the interview. We’re unpredictable; we think we can predict what others are thinking and often, it might hit the bulls-eye. However, time after time, circumstances arise in which, people end up surprising you.

I walked into the Starbucks, super early, hoping to gain comfort and even some semblance of control over the nervousness I faced regarding the interview. I brought five pens, two erasers -no pencils though- and my school ID. Yep, I brought my school ID, because of course in my head, I created a scenario where perhaps he would ask to see my identification. I'm also not ashamed to admit that I thought of bringing my passport. It was a long shot but I wanted to be prepared for whatever may transpire.

He didn’t ask to see my ID, weirdly. I could have been anyone, you know. Anyway, that’s beside the point.

Right off the bat, I was taken aback. It wasn’t the question-answer-question-answer deal; there was none of the clinical or robotic interaction I expected. I had brought along specific questions to ask because I was under the impression it was going to be very scripted. Fortunately, that was not the case at all. We discussed various things and it was actually natural. I did not have to try to think or act a certain way. It was okay for my thoughts to diverge.

Ben and I discussed predictability in human nature various times throughout our conversation. We talked about how one can tell if a person lies and I even tried to decode a very strange dream Ben had. And the discussion actually made me realize just how unpredictable people are. That's part of why it's so very important to connect to others, to understand and questions things taken for granted. I didn't know what to expect and so I could not prepare for the interview, for which I am glad. It was beneficial that the conversation was not organized because it led to a more open and easy discussion.

During my interview with Ben, we barely talked about my specific research and instead talked about anything that came up. I didn't know just how important it was to look onto even the idea of dream research with the eyes of an outsider. Questioning not the intricacies of dreams but the basic foundation, reinforced purpose. It made me that much more determined to continue seeking answers because after all, it is what I want. Yes, it is all about people and I know that dream research has that potential to be applied to those people.